Buying things to impress others and wondering who it was for
Buying things to impress others can start with a purchase you genuinely like. Then you notice how much of the excitement comes from imagining someone’s reaction. You picture the compliment, the surprised look or the sense that you have finally caught up.
Once the item is home, the feeling may be quieter than you expected. You still have the purchase, but the reassurance you wanted has not quite arrived.
Notice when buying things to impress others matters
Ask who you imagined seeing the item. A friend? A colleague? Someone whose opinion you tell yourself does not matter?
There is no need to make yourself feel foolish. Wanting to be respected or included is understandable. Sometimes a purchase seems like a straightforward way to show that you belong.
The useful part is noticing what you hoped someone would think about you once they saw it.
Separate enjoyment from the imagined reaction
You can like an item and enjoy the compliments too. A purchase does not need a perfectly pure motive.
Try asking a simple question: “What will I enjoy about this when nobody else is there?”
Perhaps the answer is comfort, usefulness or the pleasure of something beautifully made. Perhaps you struggle to find an answer beyond the effect you hope it will have on other people.
That gives you something to consider before deciding. You can take your time without turning the choice into a judgement on your character.
Ask what you wanted the purchase to settle
Were you hoping to feel successful? To avoid looking different from the group? To show someone who underestimated you that things have changed?
Those wishes may have a history beyond the shop. Understanding that history can be more useful than criticising yourself for wanting something expensive.
You could write down what you hoped the item would say about you. Then ask whether you want that person’s approval to have so much influence over your choices.
You are allowed to enjoy nice things. You are also allowed to discover that something you thought you wanted mainly belonged to an audience in your head.
What would you choose differently if there were nobody to impress?
Explore the need to prove yourself
Contact S Rae Counselling for a free 30-minute consultation. Call 07895 843287 or email sraecounselling@gmail.com. There is space to explore approval and what feeling good about your own choices might mean for you.